so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
