i jhust puked up my retainher.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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