i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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