So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
time to smoke my breakfast
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
