JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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