I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
