I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
