Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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