Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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