Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
