i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize