I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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