so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
