alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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