Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
