I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
