So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
