i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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