This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
