i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize