There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
