I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
