Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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