Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
