thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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