FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
