btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
