I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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