He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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