after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
