What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
