so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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