That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
