around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
