if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
