Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i think i just lost a toe
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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