we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
