Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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