Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
