Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
