6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
