I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
