I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
