he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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