She's JV to your varsity
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize