i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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