i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Someone came in the potted fern
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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