Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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