I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
