oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
