wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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