All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
