Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
