We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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