Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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