ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
