Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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