Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
