Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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