"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
