i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
