i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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